I Hope for You at Least at Last Satori

I cry for the lost souls left behind
waiting for the day you're healed enough
to come back from the dead
knowing that day is infinitely out of reach

More than for me
I hope for your family
for the unit you made
and for the spirit of Gage

I miss my brother my teacher
my Jaffy
Agnostic Buddhist
To my bumbling drunken buffoonery

You're still standing in that shimmer of early morning
that grassy area in Houston's January Spring
that artificial natural surface outside the jail house
where we spent the night
your arms outstretched hugging reality
as if it had a flight to catch

“I'm so glad I got to experience jail with you
a seasoned veteran” you said
“That wasn't jail
it was more like a time out” I said

My muse
my excuse for artistic expression
genius, artist, writer, musician
bipolar, obsessive, compulsive, borderline schizophrenic,
genius denier
selfish disease whore
had to take them all

dismissing anything artistic
as merely a symptom
so disassociate from it
deny it
bury it
and kill it

I cry for the cold wind and rain
connecting tears with disclosed madness
confessions of untold sins
the consecration of a friendship

Madness is the psyche's lack of capacity
when the inlet valve is left wide open

The dying time was inevitable
but you rushed along ignoring it
enjoying every moment of him
then finding solace in me

Grab your guitar
let's start a fire
burn down the school of thought
cherry picking realities to showcase
fight the power don't sell out
but we bought in

You've become dangerous to yourself
a burden to those you love
they say these salesmen are doctors
they say it's wrong to self medicate
you need a doctorate in this country to legally distribute drugs

What world are you from
my head swims heavy like a ball
blurry vision recalls nothing
claw marks in concrete walls are not comforting
but neither is the absence of a friend

Sometimes I miss that warm wet heavy air
all that filthy concrete and steel
we called home
Houston seems forever ago

Shamanic wisdom is why you said people flocked to us
how does that translate when there's nothing left
we teach and we taught
for what

I cry again
for the ship coming at us from out of the fog
flashes of light sparking up from our boots
out of the beachy sand
waves crashing at us
from out of our common acid trip

I
lost in your vision of Colorado and a snow captured cabin
you
lost in my confessions of depressions
crazy was a word unused for fear of the truth
when two people need each other too much
resentful personal pride finally fights to find individuality

What planet are you from
not the one where we talk about how fast the nascars are this year
or the one where if that football coach knew anything he'd be making my salary and I'd be making his
we're from the planet where nonsensical reasoning is not the preference of logical people
we're from the planet that asks why the answer to world hatred of America
was more violence and oppression

Are you brothers
I had an ally once
neither of us were ever in a room where we didn't feel outnumbered
but together we proved
not even a closed corporate chamber could argue our logic

There's no more pretending for you
your shell's been shattered
now the hollow music inside
is out
but the shell's not vanished
it's in pieces on the floor
even if the king's men had some glue
they couldn't fill that hollowness again

He was a saint you now
wide eyed and sentenced to a chair
gentle soul wronged by God
an unflinching force of good
I miss your son too
and I'm still waiting for the day you're healed enough
to come back from the dead